We strive to teach our children about kind hands, not to hit, not to bite, not to kick. There are lots of available books and resources to help bring the message of kind and appropriate touch to children.
We have curriculums and campaigns dedicated to helping children understand that they can speak out and ask for help if they feel someone is hurting them with the way they are touching or interacting with them. It is well researched and documented that certain interactions with a person cause trauma. Trauma that leads to psychological damage and trauma based reactions and behaviours.
I have long thought, and after reading an article by an adult with disabilities recently highlighting this as an issue for themselves and reminding me that this is something to talk about, that this area is so incredibly blurry for a child with additional needs and/or a disability.
Throughout my career working with children I have always been uncomfortable with the idea of restraining a child. This is purely a personal opinion, and I am sure that other people’s view points will differ. My uncertainty stems from the fact that I believe it can be traumatic for a person to be restrained against their will, and that the reason it got to this point in the first place is a misunderstanding of the child’s needs, or them not being fully supported to communicate their needs, or indeed having some sort of unmet need.
In every setting I have worked in, there has been training delivered in how to physically restrain a child should it be deemed necessary. I’m pleased to say that not all settings have this mindset now, and things do look different in some places. However, many many places of education still employ this as a ‘last resort’. It does not sit well with me at all.
What if the restraint is for life saving medical procedures or intervention though? What if, like boy number two, a child has been traumatised by a painful medical procedure or procedures in the past that they do not understand, and now needs more to be able to keep them to be healthy?
We have been in this very situation. What do we do? He needs blood tests to check if he has dangerous toxin levels that might kill him. He needs ECG monitoring to ensure his heart is functioning properly. He needs scans on his thyroid to understand what treatment he needs. He needs his legs cast to fit new splints. He not only needs these once, they are on a regular basis.
We got to the point around 18 months ago where he would no longer allow any adult to touch him without a scared and upset reaction. His fear would present itself in situations where there would be no obvious pain, but in fact, the trauma of it was pain enough. A meltdown in the barbers, refusal at the dentist screaming and refusal to be weighed and measured at a paediatric appointment.
Knowing that there is a lifetime of ‘intervention’ ahead of him, not to mention haircuts, we had to do something about it. A continued approach of holding him and getting it done as quick as possible felt awful, it felt cruel and upsetting, but somehow necessary to keep him physically healthy. It was clearly traumatising him and leading him to not trust any professional near him, leading to hyper vigilance in all scenarios. It wouldn’t do and it was not acceptable. It was not keeping his psychologically healthy.
We were stuck, knowing we could not allow it to go on, but knowing he needs to have life saving treatments. We sought some medical play therapy, and over time he has begun to trust professionals, he will sit on the dentists chair, he will have a haircut, he allowed a vaccination, he allows an ECG (as long as he can put the stickers all over me first). We have worked long and hard to make progress with this, and giving him some control has helped. He removes his own ECG and cannula stickers. Professionals allow him time and go at his pace and level of understanding. It continues to be a work in progress and we continue to seek support for him.
Nonetheless, the necessity to have procedures done to our child that he does not ask for, finds traumatic and cannot always understand it a complex minefield.
Touch can bring about many many emotions in a person. It can be unpleasant and it can also be incredibly healing. We teach our children about the importance of consent, and we are learning this with boy number two and his medical needs, not just in the obvious and well publicised consent format, but for all of his medical needs too
I want you to know that those with additional needs and disabilities may well be managing medical trauma on top of what they already live with. I also know the incredible resilience and determination that he has, but this should not be used as an excuse not to pay attention to the needs he has surrounding procedures. It is a constant learning procedure for us all and we are working hard to get it right. Some medics are great at it, and some have some developments to make!
boynumbertwoandme 